The Evergreen Forest Of Terror!
by Ralph Jr
Summary: Join our gang as they travel through ten, tales of horror, dread, suspense, and fear! Written for Halloween-well ahead of time, too. Will contain character deaths, graphic violence, and extremely heavy inspiration from the Simpsons. ON HIATUS


**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **I know I'm not finished with "The Story Of Ralph Raccoon" yet (I have 13 chapters complete and 7 uploaded) but I figured I'd go ahead and upload this already. I was busy watching old Simpsons Treehouse of Horror sketches (I always thought the Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors were some of the best episodes of the show. They threw caution to the wind and killed characters many times, had all manners of horrific things happen to the characters, and next segment, they're all fine and dandy again, like nothing ever happened). I was suddenly inspired to write my own version of the Treehouse of Horror sketches for the Raccoons. Yes, I admit I am a strange person. Is there anything necessarily wrong with that?

_**The Beloved (or not) Legal Disclaimer: **__I do not own the rights to the Raccoons. They belong to Kevin Gillis and Evergreen Raccoons Marketing. I also do not own the rights to the Simpsons, the Treehouse of Horror episodes, or the sketches within those episodes. They (of course) belong to Matt Groening and Twentieth Century Fox Television. Seriously, if I owned the rights to both of them, you would definitely not be reading this. You'd probably be seeing this on television, fully animated, within a few years._

**THE EVERGREEN FOREST OF TERROR!**

**CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION!**

All is dark. There's no light, and we can't see a thing.

All of a sudden, a spotlight shines. We can see a stage in an old theater, and a red curtain covering the backstage area. But nothing is happening.

Then, out of the curtains steps a female raccoon. She takes out a few pieces of paper and speaks into the microphone on the stand at the front of the stage. First, she clears her throat.

"Ahem! Hello there, everyone. My name is Melissa Raccoon, though I don't believe I need to introduce myself. You probably all know me as the wife of Ralph Raccoon, founder and editor of the _Evergreen Standard_. Of course you probably know I'm the photographer." She chuckled. "Well, anyways, the point of my speech here is tonight we're going to show you a very…special episode of our show, if you will. I don't mean special as in promoting tolerance or being against drugs, I mean special as in it's a holiday special."

She clears her throat again and moves on to the next page of her speech.

"And tonight's special is our very own Halloween special. We've never actually had one of those, so it was probably about time we had one. Now, Halloween is a very odd time of the year. I can't really say I understand it fully-it's a time of the year when people begin to believe in supernatural occurrences-people start talking about ghosts, goblins, witches, and zombies. Now, do I honestly believe in those? No, I don't. But, a lot of people do. I don't think I'll ever quite get them." She shakes her head.

Ralph Raccoon steps out from the side and hands her another sheet of paper.

"Here you go, honey," Ralph whispers to her.

"Oh, thank you, Ralph." Ralph steps back off to the side.

"Anyways, I should be moving on to the REAL center of my speech. I've been asked by the higher-ups to inform you that the following stories you will read will contain graphic violence, character deaths, characters being horribly injured or mutilated, and I believe there's even some bad language contained in here. All in all, a general atmosphere of fear, terror, and dread. And humor, as well. But mostly fear, terror, and dread. Stuff that could be very intense and traumatizing to young children."

She moves on to the last page.

"So if I may be so kind to ask, if you are the parent of a child under the age of thirteen, or you _are _under the age of thirteen, you may not like the following stories. Perhaps I could suggest you go read a story rated K or K+, or you could go and read a book. Or you could watch TV and learn something from an educational channel. I'm sure there are a number of parents among you who would object to the following content."

Melissa bows, and then Ralph takes the microphone.

"We felt it was necessary to inform you of this, in case angry parents came storming in and complained about the content of the following stories. This is just our little disclaimer warning you of the content of the following stories. Just in case you do read them and are offended or terrified, remember we did give you fair warning. Remember, you can hit the back button at any time."

Bert Raccoon suddenly jumps through the curtain and takes the microphone.

"Yeah, but just remember this: Anyone who hits the back button is a big chicken!" He then folds his arms up to imitate a chicken and starts clucking. "Bawwwk! Bawwwk bawwkk bawwwk bawwk! Chicken!" At that moment, the screen cuts to black, and you can't see anything. You can only hear their voices. It's assumed that the reader has hit the back button.

"BERT!" Melissa shouts. "You don't need to insult our more faint-of-heart fans."

"What?" Bert says, innocently. "Anybody with good taste would appreciate these stories."

"Sure," Ralph says, probably rolling his eyes. "Well, anyways, now that's out of the way, we hope all those of you who have not already been scared away by our little disclaimer will enjoy the following presentation!"

The screen suddenly cuts from blackness to a view of the full moon. The sky is dark and stormy. Thunder is heard rumbling and lightning repeatedly flashes across the screen. An eerie version of the "Run With Us" theme, an instrumental version being played on Hammond organ, is heard playing.

The scene pans down and it's revealed we're looking down from the top of Evergreen Mountain. We see the statue of Samaritan Sneer that Cyril so desperately wanted to keep people from finding out about. Looks like he didn't do a good job trying to move it somewhere it'd never be found...

The camera pans all the way down and passes Mr. Knox's mansion and then Cyril Sneer's Sneer Mansion. There are various Halloween decorations strewn all around the mansions. Cyril can be seen yelling at the pigs, no doubt for screwing something up yet again.

Lightning flashes again, and now we are passing by Willow's Store and the Blue Spruce Café. There are jack-o-lanterns sitting outside each of the two businesses and various other decorations around them, too. A couple of young kids TP Willow's Store, and Mr. Willow promptly chases the kids off with his broom.

Lightning flashes once again, and now we are passing over Evergreen Lake. A giant, mutated, five-eyed fish jumps out the water and winks to the camera. What a five-eyed fish would be doing in Evergreen Lake is a question that does not require answering.

Once again lightning flashes, and now we are passing through the Evergreen Graveyard. A number of graves can be seen. Among the visible ones include "SAMARITAN SNEER", "BOB RACCOON," "ROCKY RACCOON", "DISCO", "ROCK MUSIC", "CYRIL SNEER BEAR #1," "CYRIL SNEER'S AARDVARK EMPLOYEES FROM 'THE CHRISTMAS RACCOONS'", "RANGER DAN", "JULIE", "TOMMY", and "MILLIONS OF CYRIL SNEER'S CASH RESERVES".

Lightning flashes one more time and we are now passing the home of George Raccoon and his family. George is putting a large pumpkin pie up in the window while Nicole is busy sweeping up in the kitchen. A leprechaun is dancing around just outside the window, but neither of them really notices it.

Lightning flashes for a final time, and we are now in front of the Raccoondominium, home to the titular Raccoons. The title of the special appears on screen, in capital letters. Blood is oozing off of the letters.

The title says, "THE EVERGREEN FOREST OF TERROR!"

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **That intro was totally inspired by the old Treehouse of Horror intros. How it happened was first, Marge would step out onto a stage and warn the audience that the following content would be disturbing and ask those who were faint-of-heart or those who were children to go to bed so as not to have bad dreams from watching them. Then they would do a pan throughout Springfield, typically showing the graveyard, which featured a number of funny gravestones. So I decided that the intro would have to be along the lines of that. I hope you found the gravestones funny. (Cyril's aardvark employees, who actually remembers them?)

There will be (I've decided) 9 sketches and possibly a tenth bonus sketch of my choosing. The first sketch coming up is a little something called "If I Only Had My Brain: Bert's Nightmare!" It will be coming soon.

Feel free to drop me a line telling me what you thought of this.


End file.
